Friendships

 

Friendships, with both males and females, are an important part of a guy’s life. Many people don’t realize how complicated and confusing friendships can be.

 

Why do all of my friendships seem to be changing?

Your friendships are changing because you and all of your friends are changing. The teenage years are a time of physical, emotional, and social growth and change. These changes don't happen at the same time, or at the same speed, from one person to the next.

 

Is there anything I can do to keep from losing my friends?

You might not have to end old friendships, but the relationships may need to change. You may find that you don't have as much in common as you used to. It's important to pay attention to your feelings, and to know what you enjoy doing. If your friends seem to be spending more time in activities that you don't enjoy, you may be happier finding some new friends who share your interests.

 

How do I begin a friendship with someone I like?

Some people are naturally outgoing and have no trouble making friends. Others find it harder to get to know people. When you want to get to know someone, it helps to think of some things ahead of time that you could talk about. You may want to ask them something about school or an activity they are involved in. It may also help if you have an interest or activity in common.

 

What can I do to try to keep a friendship alive?

There are a few things you can do to try to keep a friend even though you and your friend seem to be growing apart. You might try out something that your friend has become interested in, or invite your old friend to share a new interest of yours. If there are one or two activities that you both still like to do, maybe you can plan to get together once in a while to enjoy them, even though you may spend more and more time apart.

 

What if my parents don't like my friends?

Sometimes parents think that a friend may be a bad influence on you. If you listen to their concerns, you may be able to reassure them about your friend or they may have observations about your friend that you have not noticed.

 

What if I like my friends but I don't like what they are doing?

Sometimes friends may begin to do things that you are uncomfortable with, like using drugs, drinking, or stealing. They may or may not pressure you to join them. It may be hard, but you will need to judge for yourself how much time to spend with these friends. It can be difficult and uncomfortable to make new friends, but it may be worth the effort.

 

Sometimes friendships don’t work out. If you're feeling really uncomfortable with your friend, or if you feel like your friend is putting pressure on you to do things that you don't want to do, or makes you feel bad about yourself, then it's probably time to move on. Trust your feelings.

 

I don't feel the same about my old friends, but I don't want to end up alone and bored. What can I do?

As you find yourself growing away from old friends, you'll want to make some new friends who share your interests. Some great ways to make new friends are by checking out clubs and after school activities, getting involved in sports, music, or becoming a volunteer. If you take part in activities that interest you, you'll meet people who you have things in common with.

 

Changes in friendship can be hard, especially while you're dealing with all the other changes during your teenage years. The good news is that it will get easier. The most important thing is to focus on being yourself, even as you seem to change from one day to the next. You might find it helpful to talk to an adult such as a parent, relative, teacher, or counselor.

 

Written by the CYWH and YMH Staff at Children's Hospital Boston

 

Updated 2/6/2008

 

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